Layaway
by starrynightsx
Summary: Kurama forces Hiei to go shopping by himself. And Hiei discovers a fun place called Layaway. Crackfic. OneShot.


A/N: Okay, I came up with this idea with my brother at 11 at night when we were supposed to be asleep. It is summer break (but it's almost over) so my brain is officially off. How we came up with this, I doubt anyone will ever know. Enjoy!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Paper? What am I supposed to do with this?" Hiei asked as he took something from Kurama's hand.

"It's money. You use it to buy stuff with. Why don't you go out and get something you want. There's about $200 in there. Buy something you really like, along with a new outfit. You need to start fitting in and the best way to start is with clothes," Kurama advised, returning to his desk.

Hiei fanned the money out in his hands. He was supposed to exchange slips of green paper for items that he could keep? He shook his head; he would never understand the ways in Ningenkai.

"Aren't you coming?" Hiei asked.

"No. I've some homework and extra credit that needs to be done for school. Besides, you can go on your own. It'll be fun and a new experience for you," Kurama smiled at the short fire demon.

Hiei shrugged and leapt out the window onto the rooftop of the next apartment over. His crimson eyes became clouded with confusion; Kurama had never told him where this "shopping center" was! He spun around to face Kurama's window and spotted the red head leaning out of his window, his finger pointing right.

"Just go right! You'll find it soon enough! Look for a place with a lot of people!" The fox demon yelled. Hiei shrugged and took off. Kurama retreated back into his room and closed the window, watching a flash of black disappear.

"He'd better not get into any trouble…" Kurama muttered under his breath and returned to his work.

He suddenly jumped up. "His katana! He took his katana!"

"This has to be the place Kurama was talking about," Hiei glanced around at the crowd, his eye twitching. "That baka fox demon, making me come alone in a swarm of pathetic humans," the fire demon spat out. Still sulking, he headed into the nearest store, not bothering to look at the name or what it sold.

"Hey, Yusuke, look over there. Do you see what I see?" The tall boy with carrot colored hair tapped the Spirit Detective on the shoulder.

"Dang it, Kuwabara! You made me lose my high score!" The 14-year-old delinquent turned around with his fists clenched. "What is it?"

"There. Is that who I think it is?" Kuwabara pointed in the midst of the crowd.

"Oh my-! Is that _Hiei_!" Yusuke spazzed, peering into the mob.

"What the heck is that shrimp doing here?" Kuwabara wondered aloud, leaning against one of the game machines in the arcade.

"I dunno, but let's tail him!" Yusuke smiled evilly and yanked Kuwabara by the arm. "C'mon, we're gonna lose him in the crowd soon!"

"Crap, a guy can't just hang out in the arcade for a day without having to tail somebody nowadays," Kuwabara sighed and followed the Spirit Detective, twisting through the crowd.

Hiei looked around, his face twisted into a mask of agony, disgust and endless shock. His shoulder was violently twitching as he stood rooted to the ground of the entrance of Toys R' Us. Little kids were running around screaming their heads off like he felt like doing at that moment. Colors. So many putrid, vile colors.

"Welcome to Toys R' Us! I'm Kito! Can I help you in any way?" A cheery looking brunette appeared in front of the fire demon. "Hello? Sir?" She waved her hand in front of his face.

"M-my…e-eyes…b-b-burn…" he managed to stutter out.

"Excuse me!" Kito asked, offended, thinking that he was talking about her.

"THE HORROR! MY EYES! THE HORROR!" Hiei screamed, turned around and fled the accursed store.

"O…kay," the brunette said uncertainly, "Um, welcome to Toys R' Us! I'm Kito! Can I help you?" she regained her composure as she moved to the next family.

Hiei, still twitching violently, shuddered as he continued to walk away. "I have never seen so much evil in one place. And I _know_ evil," he muttered to himself as he wandered into yet another store that he didn't pay attention to.

"Did you see that! He went into Toys R' Us!" Yusuke doubled over laughing, using Kuwabara as a support.

"Geez, you think you know a guy!" Kuwabara laughed along, leaning against a wall.

"Man, I feel like my gut's gonna burst!" Yusuke said, wiping tears from his eyes.

"I know! Holy frickin' crap!" Kuwabara said, clutching his chest.

"C'mon, he went into another store!" Yusuke dragged Kuwabara along, making sure not to be seen by the fire demon.

"Now this is my kind of store," Hiei said to himself, looking around at the selection. He looked around for a name. "Hot Topic. Hm. I'll spend a little time in here," the fire demon said, moving around and looking at everything the store had.

"Hey dude. Welcome to Hot Topic. Awesome hair," A girl with pink hair said from behind the counter. Hiei nodded once in acknowledgement and continued to wander around.

"He said to buy clothes…" Hiei started to look at Hot Topic's selection. He stopped and picked up one shirt in particular that had caught his eye. It was a black t-shirt with "I am stabbing you with my mind" in red letters on the front. He smirked; this was his kind of shirt. He liked this store.

"T-shirts are buy one, get one half off," the girl behind the counter said. Hiei looked up and smirked. Carrying the shirt in his hand, he looked around for another one. Finally, he spotted a gray t-shirt with the words "It's okay, I'm a ninja" in black across the chest with a cartoon ninja head underneath the words. He shrugged and grabbed it, bringing them to the counter. After paying for them, he grabbed the bag and left the store, strangely looking forward to the next store.

"Hot Topic? Man, that's like heaven to that shrimp," Kuwabara grumbled, hands crossed over his chest.

"He even bought something," Yusuke said, spotting the bag in the fire demon's hands. "Hey, he's going into another store!"

"What the crap? K-mart? Since when was that part of the center?" Kuwabara asked, surprised at the new addition.

"Who cares? Let's go!" Yusuke grabbed the deep-in-thought Kuwabara and entered K-mart a careful distance behind Hiei.

The fire demon looked around. "Nothing like the last store, but who cares? I need something to wear with the new shirts," he muttered, sounding suspiciously girly, and headed off for the clothes. He knew nothing of his "stalkers" as he continued his "spree".

"What's this?" Something caught his eye and he sauntered over to the front of the store. Fascinated, he watched some little kids insert a small silver disk into a slot, turn a handle and open a small door to pull out some little container. The kids popped it open and pulled something, some cheering and some wearing disappointed looks on their faces.

After the kids had left, our fire demon walked over and inspected the machine. It gave items in exchange for silver disks? He shrugged, left for a minute to buy some black cargos and came back, eyeing the machine.

"What the heck is he doing?" Yusuke whispered, staring at Hiei.

"I don't think he knows that's one of them prize machines," Kuwabara said in reply.

"Hn. Where would I pay for these?" he muttered, looking at the black cargos he held. He saw some people hand someone-what did Kurama call it?-money to someone behind the counter. With a simple tug, he uprooted the machine and carried it over to the girl.

"Hi! Welcome to Layaway. How may I help you?"

"Is this where you exchange money for items?"

"Um…you mean pay?"

"Sure."

"Um, no. Layaway is where you put at least a five dollar deposit on an item you don't have enough money for. When you have enough, you come back and buy it."

"Oh. Just so I know, how much is this?" Hiei placed the machine on the counter.

"What! Y-you can't buy this!"

"Why? Don't I have enough money?" The fire demon laid out all the money he had left ($165) on the counter.

"W-well, that's not the point. I-it's not for sale!"

"So, I do have enough money?"

"Um, well, no, not really but you're missing the-!"

"I'll put it on layaway then."

"W-what?"

"I'll put it on layaway until I have enough money. Then I'll come back and buy it. That's what this is, right?"

"W-well yeah, but-!"

"I'll put…this much for a 'deposit'," Hiei said pushing five twenty's forward.

"B-but-!"

"Isn't that enough? I thought you said I only needed to use five of these…"

"N-no! I mean, you only needed five _dollars._ But that's not the POINT!"

"Then what is?"

"You can't buy this!"

"Why not?"

"It's not for sale!"

"That's okay. I don't need a sale. I'll just buy it at regular price."

"No! I mean, we're not selling this. You can't buy it!"

"I…can't?"

"No."

"Then, where can I buy it?"

"I don't know!"

"Then I want to buy it here."

"YOU CAN'T!"

"Then put it on layaway for me."

"I CAN'T!"

"Then you should be fired, don't you think?"

"WHAT!" Hiei stared at the enraged girl. _This is so annoying. All I wanted was this little machine! _Anger started to cloud his mind.

"Just…give…me…a …total…of…how…much…this…is…" Hiei hissed, his hand slipping under his cloak and grasping the hilt of his sword.

"You. Can't. Buy. This." The girl said, trying to hold down her rage.

"_Yes, I can._" Hiei said dangerously, leaping on the counter and unsheathing his sword. The girl cowered under the sharp blade.

"F-fine! Just give me the hundred!"

"Okay." The fire demon sheathed his katana and hopped down. "Oh, and these pants too," he said, tossing them on top of the machine.

"You can't pay here, you have to-." The girl stopped short when Hiei threw a death glare at her over his shoulder.

"Um, okay, that comes to $130," she said hastily.

"The money's on the counter."

"So that's $35 change. Have a nice day!" The girl 'forgot' to leave off the "come again!" as she attempted to place his items in a bag.

"Just put the pants in. I'll carry the machine."

"O-okay."

Yusuke and Kuwabara had, meanwhile, sat inside a circular of clothes, laughing insanely.

"D-did you s-see…and t-then he…Oh man!" Yusuke stuttered, his face beet red.

"I know, t-this is the best d-day ever!" Kuwabara replied, equally red.

"Why?"

"Because that _stupid _fire demon just ripped a machine out of the floor and threatened the clerk with his katana!" Kuwabara started to laugh harder, if possible.

"Yeah, he's so-!" Yusuke stopped short and slowly looked up. A certain person-well, demon-had separated the clothes and was now standing there, his face unreadable. Kuwabara, too, stopped and looked up.

"I'm so what?" Hiei asked coolly.

"U-uh…" they both stammered. "Bye!" They chorused in unison and ran out of the store faster than Hiei.

The fire demon blinked, shrugged and walked out of the store. He didn't feel like chasing them today.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Kurama? I finished." Hiei announced, opening the fox demon's door.

"Hiei! So, what'd you buy?" Kurama began to walk towards the fire demon but stopped short once he saw what was under his arm.

"You didn't."

"Didn't what? All I did was buy what I wanted," Hiei said nonchalantly, placing his stuff against the wall.

"You know what, I'm not even gonna ask," Kurama said, then added, "Oh, where's my money?"

"This is what that girl gave me," Hiei answered giving the leftover bills to Kurama.

"You spent $165 in one day?" Kurama asked incredulously.

"Yeah, it was a _good_ day," Hiei said, a mischievous grin playing on his face.

"…No, I'm not gonna ask," Kurama shook his head and put the $35 away.

"Whatever."

Silence.

"Hey, Kurama?"

"Hm?"

"I like layaway."

"Huh?"

"Layaway. I should show it to you some time. I like it."

"…"

"What?"

"…Nothing. I don't even _want_ to know what you did today anymore…"

Silence.

"Hiei?"

"Hn?"

"Did you use your katana today?"

"…"

"_Hiei…_" Kurama's voice was now getting dangerously low.

"What?"

"_Did you use your katana?_"

"Of course not."

"…You threatened somebody with it, didn't you?"

"It's not the same as using it!"

"…That's it. No more shopping for you."

"Can I still go to layaway?"

"No."

"KURAMA! YOU BAKA FOX DEMON! YOU…YOU LITTLE-!"

"Good night, Hiei." The lights went off.

Silence.

"Kurama?"

"What?" came as a sleepy reply.

"How do you work this machine?"

"I'll show you tomorrow."

"…Fine."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Kurama-_

_I went to layaway again to figure out how the machine worked. Be back soon._

_Hiei_

"HIEI!" was the thundered reply.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Sorry, the ruler thingy wasn't working for me. Did you like it? I had writer's block and I couldn't figure how to end so...yeah. Read and review?


End file.
